Is This Truly the Beginning?
by a-fellow-fangirl
Summary: First ever fic! Jim's late for his own bonding ceremony, but what is really going on? Is it a dream or a prank gone horribly wrong? Spirk Warning: mild suggestion of suicide
1. Chapter 1

Is This Truly the Beginning?

_ Hello everyone, a-fellow-fangirl speaking! This is my first fanfiction that I have decided to publish as a trial-run…. So here we have this purely random writing!_

_WARNINGS: This short story (or maybe multi-chapter fic) has a mild suggestion of suicide._

In this hallowed hall all is presented. The cream and black pillars have seen all sides and stories of life; birth, adulthood, marriage, divorce, and the finalization of death have congregated here many times in the five short years New Vulcan had been established. No matter what you did the stone swallowed all noise, keeping everything hushed.  
Today was like any other. Small crowds walked with either joy or sadness on these normally emotionless masks. The birth of a set of twins in one room, several marriages, a couple deaths... The pounding of feet?  
Scratch that. Today was ALMOST like any other; Jim Kirk was in these halls.  
Normally he would strut into this place and take all the attention by choice but this time he was late, truly late. Today is meant to be the happiest day of his life. The day he could truly be one with his closest, most special person. The only one he would ever consider spending the rest of his life with.  
When he finally found the door that his fiancé (and soon to be mate) had specifically reserved Jim was amazed. The door was at least twenty feet tall with an intricate design that depicted the deserts of Old Vulcan.  
He hesitated for a moment. What if this was just a dream? A Vulcan prank? This couldn't possibly happen in real life... Right?  
Gathering his courage he pushed open the doors and was instantly bombarded with... Nothing. No one was in the empty room. No crowds of people. No ceremonial drapes. Only three things were in the room: an emotionally compromised Selek, a Star Fleet flag, and a remembrance stone.  
The world came crashing down upon the disbelieving captain as he looked at his friend's face. "N-no! He can't be!"  
Selek's face hardened. "You thought that last night was a dream, a simple prank, didn't you?!" He screamed, "LOOK AT WHAT YOUR ACTIONS HAS DONE! You DESTROYED him Jim! A night before the ceremony no less!"  
"It was a bachelor's party that Bones threw for me! A simple human ceremony! I had no idea that he would react like that!"  
"AND YET YOU ARE DEFENDING YOURSELF AND DELIBERATELY IGNORING THE FACT THAT YOU CAUSED HIM TO TURN TO THAT METHOD OF DEATH." He thundered. Suddenly the ambassador slumped, all energy that he had previously was gone. "I came here to be a friend and a shoulder to cry on Jim." His tone saying everything he wouldn't. "Yet you don't even deserve that. You knew that he would be mad about the party. You knew that there would be a fight. You also KNEW that your method of 'revenge' would make him react in a volatile way."  
"Guess I know what's happening next, don't I?" Jim spat out bitterly.  
"I would take you as a fool if you didn't, but you know you are worse than that." And with that the ambassador swept out of the room, not even sparing him a parting glance.  
Jim looked around as he slowly unfroze and found something under the flag. A fourth object that was set to 'Kill'. He clutched the other two items as grief over took him. He reached out for the last item and turned it upon himself. Maybe he would be able to apologize and make everything right again. The index finger slowly tightened...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"James? Are you alright T'hy'la?" The soft words jolted the captain awake.  
Jim looked around startled, and saw that he was in his office on the Enterprise. "Oh. Hey there Spock!" He said as brightly as he could.  
"T'hy'la... You were crying in your sleep... May I ask why?"  
Jim stood up hurriedly and hugged his love. "I was an idiot... That's all I can say on the matter, okay?"  
An eyebrow was raised but the matter was left alone, for the moment. "Are you nervous about what will occur on New Vulcan, Captain?"  
This, as was intended, brought a weak smile to Jim's face. "Spock, you and I are about to be married in less than two days and yet you still are unable to just call me Jim? Or Kirk? How about you call me that character's name from that one Earth show you're obsessed with... Dean wasn't it?"  
A twitch to the lips was all he got as the Vulcan ushered the babbling captain out of his office and onto the deck.  
Right before the hybrid walked in as well he took out a portable communicator and selected to speak with his certain elder counterpart.  
"Did the dreams start?"  
"Yes, they are far worse than I expected."  
"Be wary then Spock, for that was just the beginning."  
"So it can be definite that the blood of Khan was unknowingly activated when the Klingons 'interrogated' the captain?"  
"I am afraid so."  
"Farewell then."  
"Goo-" The comm was snapped shut and thrown against the wall.

Everything that they had worked for was going to change. Nothing will ever have a happy ending. Why was he a fool to believe in such childish fantasies?

_  
_Well what do you think? Should I write more stories like this? Please review!_

_~ a-fellow-fangirl ~_

_Life- a series of events meant to strengthen you for what's coming next. _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Wow I wasn't expecting people to actually read my stories! This is insane really!_

_ So I kinda wrote what kind of dreams our beloved captain would have, but that's for chapter three… or I might have to up the rating a bit because my mind turned really really dark and I wrote a huge mess today… What do you think?_

_Oh well! Enjoy!_

_*~a-fellow-fangirl~*_

Jim awoke once more in a cold sweat, agonized screams and sadistic smiles being the star of last night's dream.  
~Not a dream.~ The Voice thought gleefully in its oddly hypnotic bass. ~A nightmare. A dark, horrendous nightmare that, just for a second, you wanted to be real.~  
The Voice is getting stronger, becoming more clear and awake than ever. It had started a week after his death, while in his comatose state. At the time The Voice was a friend to him. Proof that he was alive.  
Now it was scaring the living shit out of him. When Jim had asked McCoy if it was an effect of how he died all he got for an answer was, "Radiation is a bitch that screws with a man's mind... It should fade over time."  
Jim stumbled into the restroom and leaned heavily against the sink. For not the first time he looked at his reflection and groaned.  
The once bright cerulean eyes had dulled into a stormy grey; his haggard face was sallow and had deep purple pits underneath his eyes. His ribs stuck out sharply as he twisted and turned in front of the mirror that he began to hate as much as The Voice.  
With a sigh the captain grabbed the concealer and began the slow process of covering up all evidence of his sleepless nights. ~Bones, you are such an idiot. Actually everyone is if they cannot notice the cakes of awful smelling powder I slather on every morning.~ Finished, he trekked down the stairs and into the kitchen where his betrothed was busy cooking.  
"Good morning Captain. I trust you slept well?" The Vulcan turned his chocolate brown eyes onto the guiltily shifting man.  
They locked eyes and said man glared right back at those orbs that were filled with concern. "I. Am. Fine. Nothing is wrong with me!"  
"Yet you defend yourself each morning when I ask."  
"Just stop, okay? Just let me pretend that I never died. That I never watched half of my crew die. That death doesn't follow me everywhere I go." ~That I have a fucking VOICE in my head that makes me want to maim and kill everyone that I have ever cared for, especially you.~ He added grimly in his thoughts as he sat down at the table and picked at the fruit bowl that consisted of today's most important meal.

"'Nother round for my Lady Killer Jim!" Bones shouted out drunkenly. The normally calm and peaceful bar was filled to the brim with foreigners that loved havoc tonight.  
Bones caught his eyes and called out over the loud country music, "See a lady you like tonight Jimmy?"  
Kirk shook his head and smirked at his best and most oblivious friend in the universe. "Bones, Spock is waiting for me at home... Why would I want a girl now?"  
"Spock is a MAN Jimmy. Normal men don't tap other men, no matter how different he is compared to the rest of his species."  
At that comment Kirk stands up and smiles at his narrow-minded friend. "Doctor Leonard McCoy you are about as blind as a bat in daylight. In less than a year I will be married to my lover and we will continue on with our journey on the Enterprise." And with that he left the bar that held his gaping friend behind.

_Yeah, yeah, yeah I know it isn't as long as the first one, but I originally wrote this with a dream and I had doubts._

_Sorry guys,_

_*~a-fellow-fangirl~*_


End file.
